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I know, I know, it's been a looong time!

There are a few reasons why I am TERRIBLE at blogging. 1 because my life has been pretty boring or uneventful. 2. I started working at the YMCA and I was working A LOT, but recent months I actually haven't worked as much as I'd like.

And recently life hasn't been uneventful but hasn't been exciting events. But once again, it isn't something to blog about. All I have to say is that things have been really rough. I've been pretty stressed out, and numerous of other emotions. All I know is that things will be okay. I will get through this and every thing that has and will happen will only make me a stronger person.

Also, recently I was able to open up to someone who is the closest person to me in the family. I was able to express how I felt now and as a child. It actually made me feel SO much relief. I had never really shared this with anyone in my immediate family and to actually let it all out just felt so good. What a relief it was on me. Speaking of talking to someone close. I've actually been talking a lot with a close friend back home, as well. She has helped me tremendously, I don't know what I would do without her. We have actually made some plans/goals that I am hoping happen, but I am not entirely sure if it will or not. We will just have to see how everything pans out. :)

Here are lyrics to a song that I have been listening to quite a bit lately. I am normally a quote person and those that know me really well know this but currently this song and music has been a big help. I love this song. If you haven't heard i encourage you to look it up on YouTube and take a listen. :)

Christina Aguilera - The Voice Within Lyrics
Young girl don’t cry
I’ll be right here when your world starts to fall
Young girl it’s alright
Your tears will dry, you’ll soon be free to fly

When you’re safe inside your room you tend to dream
Of a place where nothing’s harder than it seems
No one ever wants or bothers to explain
Of the heartache life can bring and what it means

Chorus:
When there’s no one else, look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend just trust the voice within
Then you’ll find the strength that will guide your way
You’ll learn to begin to trust the voice within

Young girl don’t hide
You’ll never change if you just run away
Young girl just hold tight
Soon you’re gonna see your brighter day

Now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed
It’s so hard to stand your ground when you’re so afraid
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold
When you're lost outside look inside to your soul

Chorus

Life is a journey
It can take you anywhere you choose to go
As long as you’re learning
You’ll find all you’ll ever need to know
(be strong)
You’ll break it
(hold on)
You’ll make it
Just don’t forsake it because
No one can tell you what you can’t do
No one can stop you, you know that I’m talking to you

Chorus

Young girl don’t cry I’ll be right here when your world starts
to fall

NEW hair!!

So, I got my hair done almost 2 weeks ago now. I love it! It's a little different then what I wanted but my hair wasnt ong enough. But i love my hair anyways. It is more work then i like to do with it but i guess i just cant be lazy. I havent been up to too much just hanging out and looking for a job....still!

been a while...

So, It's been a while since I've updated my blog.

I haven't really been on the computer much for one and then I just don't really have anything to talk about. I'm still searching for a job.

One thing that isn't going so well is family. My older brother has always been one to bring me down and kill self esteem/confidence...and he just attacks me emotionally a lot. Something went down where he really upset me....so I wasnt talking with him. Then I decided well I can say hi and not act as if he doesn't exist so I started saying hi to atleast...then after a text convo that HE started....he said horrible mean things...and then said that m;y little brother agreed and feels the same way....which is bull bc i had hung out with him day before...but any how haven't really talked to any of them since. It's just hard to keep pretending and ignoring the fact that he attacks me emotionally and he doesn't even notice it, and he thinks it is okay to treat someone as such. He always turns it on me...to make me feel like I'm the problem and im the one that is the issue. Any ways that is really the only BIG thing going on right now in my life. A little stressful.

Oh, and my chest pain is back....and I am even more convienced that it's anxiety/stress disorder...being with things going on rght now.....

So, I'm really bad at this updating but I do get around to it. Eventually!

At the end of May I was able to go back home to Kansas for two weeks. YES, TWO WHOLE FREAKING AMAZING WEEKS HOME!!! I really really wanted to stay longer but my brother (Gabriel) got married on the 13th of June. It was beautiful, happy, and sweet. Lucky that I was able to experience that day with them. Back to visiting Kansas. It was a REAL eye opener and something LONG needed. I was able to get focus on what I need to do and want to do. Now I just gotta DO IT! And I really needed out...and I got that. I was able to spend it with amazing people who I love and admire. They are such good examples in my life, that I need. I'm so lucky to have such amazing people in my life. I miss them terribly and wish I was back there already. I'm waiting on this job. It's been a week but they said they were offering me employment and I'm guessing and hoping they are just waiting on all the paper work. The sooner i get a job the sooner I'll be back home.

Since I've been back, the first part of the week, I mean weekend was all about the wedding. Then the rest of the week was all about going places for this job....sunday first interview, monday second interview and tb test, tuesday-physical, wednesday-fingerprints and tb reading. Oh and I also got my California's drivers license. :) Then I was finally able to relax.


I've been back for only 16 days but feel so much longer already. I had a dance friday night (80's) it was fun. The end was more fun then the actual dance. We ate at denny's. The dance wasn't THAT fun...for reasons that I won't say. And yesterday I went to my friends grandma's with her and spent it swimming. :) I gotta a tan, a bit. :) Well I'm going to try and upload some pictures on here from these past few events...

Mind Set

Today, I'm going out to Sister Whipple's. She is going to show me her apartment in their basement. REnt FREE...just babysit whenever possible and feeding farm animals. :) It is an ideal until I can get settled in here with a job when I eventually move back...hopefully in Jan. :) I better get ready...and when my trip is over...I'll have to blog blog blog...about my amazing wonderful trip!

Lately

So, I haven't blogged in a while. First, was because Josh and I had broken up, so I didn't really feel like blogging. Second, I had friends come and visit a week in a half after that (talk about good timing). I really needed that! Third, I have been busy and MY computer's internet isn't working.

I'm still jobless, and looking. I thought I was going to get hired at this place in Rancho San Diego at a Senior resourse group but they put my application on hold. UGH! I could of been in Utah and then heading back to Kansas, IF I had known they weren't going to hire me.

I have been hanging out with a lot of people here or not a lot just a few, really. & I haven't really been happy with my self because I have made some dumb decisions in my life and upset bc I was angry at life. But now I'm just upset with ME! I have a lot to work on....a LOT!

ANYWAYS....pictures of the visit.