At some point in your life, your going to realize that some people can stay in your heart but but not in your life.
Thursday Nov. 22nd was Thanksgiving. It was then a year ago I spent my day feeding the homeless. I dreaded going home for Thanksgiving. I knew that when I got home I’d be having Thanksgiving in my bedroom, alone! That definitely wasn't a fun experience. At this time I was still living in my parents’ house. It was the first Holiday that was spent with family, and it was my families first awkward holiday celebration. With my father who wouldn't be in a room with me in it. I would get an evil glare and off he went. He was angry. He had gained a difficult addiction. Alcohol! And my worst fear as a child, unfaithful to my mother. Before Thanksgiving life was really difficult for me and I didn't think it could get any worse. I had told my mother of my dad’s unfaithfulness. I had spent Thanksgiving alone, but felt much better by giving to others who had it much worse than me. Shortly after Thanksgiving, I moved out. It was truly a blessing from above. I thought things were getting better. I mean my father had been caught several times still talking to the other girl, but closer to Christmas I thought things were getting better. So, I started to push the hurt and the anger aside and give him a chance. Just to get shot in the foot. He had just gotten better at covering up his tracks and lies. Things were horrible at my work as well. My co-workers were mean…no that’s me being nice they were EVIL.. They knew all that was going on in my life and made my life even more of a living hell. They spread rumors, dirty looks, and even as much to get me in trouble or even fired. I was dealing with my father’s illness as best I could. He was thinking about suicide and feeling guilt and regrets. My whole family and i knew my dad needed help and also knew he wouldn't ask or accept help.It'd have to be on his time and when he hits rock bottom (which i thought totally the truck would have been it--sadly I was wrong). The last time I saw my dad was his rock bottom. He was not himself, not my dad. Mentally wasn't himself--I mean he hasn't been himself in years but this was the worst. He had been taking his prescriptions and muscle relaxers…and top it all off lots of Alcohol. Very bad combinations--all of that together could kill someone. He had threatened me and said very hurtful things. The next day I had to pick him up from the Police station. He wasn't arrested but he had received a DUI. I got stopped at a red light and out went my father, then my mother followed. I’m sitting at the red light right off the highway..all i could think about was "what do I do now". I did an illegal u-turn and parked in a park ang go parking lot by the freeway. Watching my father walking on the side of oncoming traffic and my mother after him. My mother was trying to stop him and get him to come back to the car, but my dad was just shoving her away. I’m freaking out walking after my mother, telling her to let him go you are going to get hit by a car. Then my father turned around and looked at me with eyes. Those eyes looked as if they could kill. He told me I was a selfish b**** that didn't care about anybody but myself and came at me ready to hit on the side of the on coming traffic. I was scared. Scared that if he hit me I could die. He is strong person and plus I could fall into the freeway…my mother pulled him with all her might to get him away from me. Finally we got him calmed down, and walked with us to the car to slam the door in our face and walked off. My brothers were calling police and such to find our location. Police showed up and my father was arrested. The next morning my mother went to pick him up and then off they went to rehab. During this time I decided to make the change and quit my job and moved to Utah. The hardest part was leaving an amazing family. I miss them and the little kids everyday. But I needed to do it for me and my health.
And after being treated in such ways by my father…I will not tolerate people in my life, family or friends that want to treat me in such mean, rude, ways….I will not have it in my life. So, I will decide to keep you in or out of my life. I am DONE letting people treat me like some trash they can stomp all over. So, if you plan on doing so…then please do me a favor and stay a way from me. THANKS!
In life you are going to be left out, talked about, lied to & used. But you have to decide who’s worth your tears & who’s not. …that’s exactly what I’m doing.
Mistreat me once…shame on you…mistreat me twice….it’s my own stupidity.
I’m thankful for my family and friends that are in my life. I’m blessed for the love and for what I have learned and grown from all of this. It’s been tough but it’s life. It isn’t easy.
Things are slowly turning around. I haven’t spoken or seen my dad since the day he went to rehab. I do know that him and my mother are going to classes, and my dad goes to AA meetings. And hasn't had a drink since and is slowly becoming more himself...so I'm told. not so sure if I believe it.
I’m looking forward to life changing for the better and growing stronger.
